your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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