You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
