If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
