Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
