Don't make out with my wife yet
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
