you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
