Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I cut my penus on the lid.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
