I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
