Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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