so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
