this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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