Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
