im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
