His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
there was a trapeze. enough said
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
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