Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Randomize
