once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
