There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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