How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
