After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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