38 yer olds are good kisserssss
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
It was like giving head to a cactus.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
