he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I AM VODKA MAN
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
