Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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