just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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