I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
These tits shall not be calmed
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
