The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
