i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
