If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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