god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
