and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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