What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
