Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
