It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
