I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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