His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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