I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
