listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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