...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
