I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
