An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Sorry about my life...
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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