At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
