he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
