he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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