The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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