Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
