STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
