dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
