I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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