I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
