a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
