I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
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